Vikki Blows is tiny. Not in some hobbitish, Lord Of The Rings way, but in that charming put-her-in-your-pocket-and-take-her-home kind of way. She’s adorable – and fascinating, too. Anyone who lists porn, fishnets, piercings and Etch-A-Sketch as their favourite things has got to be worth taking to the pub for a chat. Just make sure you don’t turn up in a clown outfit, or she’ll end up headbutting you in the knackers…

Right, let’s get this over with. What’s the worst pun you’ve heard about your name?

	I got scared because you have to swallow stuff and keep it in your mouth... that sounded rude!

It’s probably people saying my middle name is ‘Gives’, as in Vikki ‘Gives’ Blows. That was annoying. These days people just call me Blows.

OK, Blows, when did you decide to show your boobs to the world?

When I was at a teenager! At school everyone used to think I stuffed tissues down there, but I was at a party once in a little vest top and everyone was like, ‘Oh! They’re real!’ When I was 17 I got some photos done and sent them off to an agent.

Did your teachers find out?

No, I was expelled from school when I was 13! I haven’t been to school since. I got suspended twice, so they had to expel me.

What did you do?

I mooned my head of year. My mum got a letter from the school saying I’d been expelled for ‘mooning my head of year’. She wasn’t impressed.

What have you been doing since?

Not a lot. I worked doing hairdressing for a bit but now I just do modelling. I literally sit about doing nothing.

You’re a non-drinker. Does that mean you’re boring company out?

No, why would it? I am like a little conscience, though, with everyone thinking they shouldn’t drink when I’m there. I just go out and dance!

Have you ever drunk?

I used to drink, but I don’t do it any more. I’ve got a fear of being sick. I got really ill once, and now I can’t bring myself to look at alcohol. I can’t even smell it.

So you’re the designated driver?

Yeah, but only recently. I passed my test two months ago.

First time?

No, ninth!

Ninth! You must be rubbish.

Yeah, I am! Whoever gave me my driving licence is a bit of an idiot. I’ve got a really short attention span, which isn’t good for driving.

Have you crashed since?

No, I’ve only had a few minor scrapes so far – like when your car touches something it shouldn’t.

Like a person?

No, not people! Just a pole or something!

Do you wear matching undies in case you end up in hospital?

No, I’m not bothered by all that.

Do you ever go commando?

No. If you have some pants on, it means you can take your trousers off at any time.

Er, does that happen often?

I’m always getting changed in public! I’ve always got spare clothes in my bag – if I decide I want to change, I’ll quickly strip off in an alleyway or something.

You’re quite into your dark stuff. Do you fancy Goths?

Yeah, though that look only works on some people. Have you seen the new Marilyn Manson video? It’s so hot! He’s having sex in a car, then they’re in a club and then they’re having more sex. It’s pretty cool.

Does porn turn you on?

Certain porn. I don’t like the slow, Channel Five-type ones.

What type do you like?

Oh, all sorts. There’s loads of stuff that definitely doesn’t turn me on! Anything with animals is weird. People pooing in other people’s mouths is really disgusting! What’s wrong with using the toilet like normal people?

Let’s talk sex. How long a gap between shags before you consider it a dry spell?

About a month! That’s quite a while, isn’t it?

Er, if you say so! Have you ever pulled a girl?

Yes.

Just kissing or a little bit more?

A little bit more.

Like what?

I’m not telling you… though I have played with girls’ boobs. I’d love to have massive boobs!

On your MySpace page it says you’d like to join the circus. What would you do?

I’d be the ringmaster, or one of the girls who wears a little outfit and brings the animals out. I wouldn’t mind fire-breathing. I was going to do it once, but I got scared because you swallow this stuff and keep it in your mouth. Oh, no! That sounded rude!

Do you like clowns?

No, I’m really scared of clowns.

If Johnny Depp was dressed as a clown, would you sleep with him?

It depends. Is he a sad clown? Happy clowns are bad enough, but there’s nothing scarier than a sad clown. I hate the drawn-on mouths. They freak me out. I think I’d have to pass.

What else are you scared of?

Butterflies! They’re sneaky. They’re just the same as moths, but prettier. You go, ‘Oh, look, it’s a pretty butterfly!’ and then it flies at you. I don’t like pigeons either. They’re dirty and they just get in the way. I run away from them.

You spend a lot of time running away from stuff. You must be fast.

No, I’m not a good runner. I run like a demented bird!