If I was getting paid real money, I'd kiss Angelina Jolie - she's dead sexy

We’ve always known there was something special about Katie Downes. She’s 4ft 11in. She’s got created-by-nature-alone 30D breasts. She loves her beer and often drinks till she topples the short distance to the ground, then bounces back up with her dirty Scouse laugh and swipes your pint! There’s no better way to be proven right, though, than when a bloke from one of the UK’s best bands is caught getting hold of her in a bar. God damn you, Jamie Cook from the Arctic Monkeys! Can’t you be content with your sacks of cash, fit fans and God-given talent, and leave our women the hell alone? She may be off the market, but we still get to invite her to Maxim’s house of fun and ask that she takes her clothes off. Result! The only rule? Don’t ask too many bloody questions about her famous boyfriend…

Katie! Do you think you’re setting a trend, with rockstar girlfriends as the new WAGS?

I don’t know. It’s a bit cheesy.

Have you had trouble with groupies when you’ve been out?

No.

What other bands do you like, apart from the Arctic Monkeys?

I like the Kings Of Leon and The Strokes.

Did you like the Arctic Monkeys before you started seeing Jamie?

Yeah.

OK. Er… Who’s more bouncy, you or a Space-Hopper?

Probably me! I can be really full of life. I love getting dead excited when I’m out with my old friends back at home in Liverpool, just doing stupid daft things.

If you weren’t a Scouser, what accent would you have?

Oh God, I love my accent! I do like the Irish accent, though, as it’s kind of similar to mine. Men love my accent – they say it’s the best thing about me. It’s one of the chat-up lines I always get.

What kind of drunk are you?

On my last birthday a friend said I’m dead girly and giddy when I’m drunk. I never do anything I wouldn’t do when I’m sober, though… unless someone out there knows different!

If you had to drink one drink for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Water, obviously, to survive! But booze-wise, beer. I love my beer.

What’s your secret to drinking shed loads? Any hangover cures?

Don’t drink red wine – that gives you the worst hangover. I surprise myself with how much I can drink! My hangover cure would be a cheese toastie with onions and tomatoes.

Have you ever done drunk cooking?

Yeah, a lot. My fridge is always full, I’m a boss cook.

What would you cook if you were trying to seduce us?

I make a good roast dinner. Or a mean shepherd’s pie.

We’ll be round later. We heard you live in a million-pound mansion!

I did live in one, but I’m moving. It was amazing.

So, as a property heiress, where should we buy?

Maxim readers should buy in Liverpool!

Ever considered doing a job swap with your property-magnate dad?

My dad?! Yeah, right! He’s got no hair. He’s a baldy, but he’s quite good looking and youthful. Everyone says he looks like me. With no hair!

Your TV debut was swapping jobs with a toilet cleaner on Poor Little Rich Girls. Would you ever do reality telly again?

I wouldn’t want to be on Celebrity Big Brother or I’m A Celebrity…. I’d rather do something that wasn’t twisted or cruel, with people slagging you off. I’d like to go on a road trip across America on a budget. Something like The Simple Life.

Do you clean your own loos now?

Yeah! I’m a bit cleaning mad – though I was before the show.

Would you ever pay for someone to clean your toilet?

My toilets aren’t that dirty, so I don’t mind cleaning them. I don’t really want to put my hand down in a Marigold, but I don’t mind using one of those brushes.

Do you now see public toilets in a whole new light?

I use public toilets, but I never sit on the seat – not when you think of all the people who’ve sat on it! I’m the same even in pub and club toilets.

You’d never get it on in a club toilet, then?

I never have done, but I never say never…

Where is the most risqué place you’ve got it on?

I’ve been quite boring! I’m quite old fashioned in the bedroom. Well, until the devil comes out in me! I think a man should always take charge. He should set the mood and take the lead.

What type of bloke do you go for?

I love a man who’s got a big chest. It makes you feel safe. I love spontaneous men. If someone buys me something unexpectedly, or calls me or takes me away out of the blue, it makes me dead excited!

Which other hot girl have you most enjoyed doing a photoshoot with?

Probably Michelle Marsh. She’s boss and has a wicked sense of humour. She really gets into it. And I love her boobs!

Who would you most like to do a girl-on-girl shoot with?

I’d love to do a proper shoot with Rhian. She’s got massive boobs! She’s a good friend of mine and is dead lovely. Me and Rhian would be amazing together.

So do the two of you ever go out on the beers?

Yeah, she’s my little drinking partner. I’m not sure who can drink the most… probably Rhian. No, me! Oh, I don’t know… we’re probably the same! We always end up in random situations. That’s what I love about my job – all we do is fucking party and go to mad places!

So have you ever snogged another famous lady?

No, I’m not really into snogging girls. But my best mate’s a lesbian!

Would you do it for a saucy shoot? Purely for professional purposes…

If I was getting paid real money, then yeah. I’d probably kiss Angelina Jolie; she’s dead sexy.

You auditioned against Michelle Marsh, Nikkala Stott and Nicola T for your part as a window washer in the film Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. Did they make you arm-wrestle for it?

No, we had to just go up to this screen, press our boobs against it and then soap ourselves up with a sponge! Everyone did it and I thought I wouldn’t get it, as the other girls’ boobs were massive. But I got it!

What was it like?

The filming was in Amsterdam in a shop window, and there were loads of people going past. I was shitting myself! I was in this top but it was see-through because it was wet. I can be shy in some ways, but I’m not shy with my body.

Did the Yanks struggle to understand you?

Yeah, I had to speak slowly to them. It drives me mad when people can’t understand me. I’ve learnt to put on a bit of a posh accent to make it easier. I’ll never lose my accent, though.

Any advantages to being under 5ft tall?

People always think you’re quite cute! And I love feeling dead small when I’m with a bloke.

Do you own any saucy dressing-up outfits for the bedroom?

Nothing like a nurse – I think it’s a bit tacky. It’s more a case of nice undies.

Rate these professions in order of manliness: Maxim journalist, rockstar, policeman, fireman, mechanic, builder, white van man.

It’d have to be a Maxim journalist first! Then rockstar, obviously. Then white van man, builder, fireman, mechanic and police officer last. I like a bloke who works with his hands and fixes things! It’s a definite turn on when men can do that.