Exercise your sperm regularly, because they will get old and wither if they don't see any action

1 The bleeding obvious
We may have said this before, but to improve your sperm count you should try to stay at a healthy weight, cut down on the booze and exercise regularly. Men who weigh too much are more likely to have poor sperm quality. Being too thin is also a problem. Sometimes you just can’t win.

2 Don’t go on holiday
Soaking up the sun in tight trunks may be one of the worst preparations for fathering a child. Officials at the Bourn Hall Clinic in Cambridgeshire say sperm usually take eight weeks to mature in the testes, but during this time they are vulnerable to any changes in temperature. So spend your summer in miserable Britain, where the temperature stays pretty much the same as in winter.

3 Dump the dope
Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the main psychoactive substance in marijuana, is believed to disrupt the way sperm swim and blocks the mechanisms that identify malfunctioning sperm. Scientists at the State University of New York found regular weed smokers had significantly less seminal fluid, a lower sperm count and abnormal sperm that swam too fast too early and gave up before they reach the egg. They probably stopped for a packet of Hula Hoops on the way, too.

4 Stub it out
Sucking down tobacco smoke damages sperm’s DNA, which could cause genetic defaults in children, and is associated with reducing the blood flow to the penis, lowering the libido and impotence. Apart from that, though, smoking doesn’t do any damage… oh wait! Yes, it does. You should stop.

5 Leave the steroids alone
One of the disturbing effects of steroid use is that a man’s body begins to produce less of its own testosterone. As a result, your sperm count will severely reduce and your testicles may shrink to the size of peas.

6 Stay away from insecticides
Exposure to some insect sprays and certain insecticides can upset your sperm count, according to a study led by Dr John Meeker at the University of Michigan. The research shows that exposure to insecticides may lower a man’s testosterone levels and sperm motility while increasing DNA damage in sperm cells. Pesticides can also have a toxic effect on the testicles and other sex glands.

7 Change your diet
Getting lots of vitamins is essential, especially vitamin C, which keeps sperm healthy, and vitamin A, which is required for the normal development of tissue. Zinc (found in meat, diary products and wholegrain cereals), folate (nuts and seeds) and selenium (Brazil nuts and fish) also play an important role in getting your foot soldiers to quick-march.

8 Rethink your career
Studies have shown that working full-time in a kitchen can reduce your sperm count because of the constant exposure to high temperatures. Occupations that involve sitting for long periods, such as lorry driving, or exposure to environmental chemicals such as paints or pesticides may affect sperm quality. Carpenters may also be prone to infertility because of the wood preservatives released during woodcutting, while people who work with lead, such as roofers and plumbers, can suffer temporary sperm impairment.

9 Have a break
Like any part of your body, sperm gets tired. If you’re ejaculating more than twice a day, it will take a while for your sperm levels to build back up again. On the other hand you should also exercise your sperm regularly, because they will get old and wither if they don’t see any action. Sex every
one to two days is ideal to keep you and your troops happy and healthy.

10 Take the laptop off your lap
The heat generated when perching a laptop on your lap will raise your testicle temperature by around 2°C. A study from the State University of New York suggests that the heat generated from laptops will cook your goolies to a point that can adversely affect sperm production. Your testicles dangle outside your body for a reason – they need to stay cooler that the rest of your body in order for your sperm to develop, so let them chill out.