We could make a big fat Twister board to play on Naked - Charlotte

Hello, everybody. We'd like you to meet our new favourite pop group. They're called Twisted Sisterz. When they’re really famous and everyone loves them, which will probably be next week, remember that it was Maxim who first bored them to tears for your benefit.

Charlotte: I'm really hot. I wish I was wearing my bikini. Tanya: Me too. I'm melting.

Us too. Except without a bikini. Not naked though, some clothes. Maybe a leotard. Have you three got the best job in the world, being in a band?

T: Yeah, unless one of us is on our period - then it's not so good.

Shouldn't you be completely synchronised by now?

C: We are, actually. We always have our periods at the same time. T: Really? Shereen: Yes, we're synchronised.

What is the most famous name you have in your mobile phone?

C: I had Simon Cowell's. We've got Brian McFadden! Erm... Simon from Blue? They're rubbish. C: Yeah, we can do better than that. I've got Vinnie Jones! T: I've got Dean Gaffney... Calum Best... John Terry...

I thought all girl bands were supposed to have an escape plan in case they run into Calum Best?

T: My advice is to palm him off with one of your friends and get away. I'm really hot - do you mind if I take my bra straps down so that I don't get tan lines?

No. Fill your boots. Which of these celebrities would be most likely to ring you when you're drunk?

T: John Terry, but remember - desperate ain't sexy!

We'd disagree. Did you like our photoshoot?

C: We loved it. We even stole pieces of the set so that we could make a big fat Twister board to play on, naked, in the garden. T: If we actually had a garden. C: Well, maybe when we make some money we can get a garden, but for now we can play naked Twister on the balcony. We can invite everyone over for a big fat Twister party.

Apparently you drank the wine we had on the shoot faster than anyone we've ever shot. Have you got a drink problem?

C: No... well, it's not that I'm an alcoholic, or anything, we're just sociable. We should cut down.

Because you're alcoholics?

C: No! We're sociable people, but it would be nice to be able to go out and resist the extra glass of wine. Shereen is a good girl, she can always go home to bed at the right time, but me and Tanya tend to get naughty.

As you live together, do you fight?

S: We have scheduled bathroom meetings. T: Yeah, Shereen will have a wee, I'll have a shower and Charlotte will have a shave. C: Plus we don't have enough hot water, so we have to share baths. S: Charlotte normally gets the bathwater last so that it's floating with fake-tan scum. T: Eurrgh! I went in last the other day, and it was like climbing into Shrek's swamp. Full of fake-tan scum, and make-up and bits of different wigs and hair.

Do the management give you 'pop-star rules' to follow?

C: They do, but all we do is break them, so I think they've given up. T: We've made up our own 'rock-star rules'. S: That's why we get sacked every week. C:We've been sacked and reinstated three times. T: They said it's because we're out of control. I’m hungry. Do you want an apple? T: I would if my teeth were real. C: It’s true. We’re actually 86, and none of this is our real teeth or hair or anything.

Are you called Twisted Sisterz because of your lengthy police records and considerable time in prison?

T: I was arrested for having a wee in a shop doorway. While they were arresting me there was a massive fight right behind them, but they decided to see to me instead. I was having a wee! I got taken to the police station and filled out all the forms. Then one day when I got home from work there was a police car outside my house. The police had come to my house to tell my dad that the only reason they weren't taking me to court was because they didn't have enough evidence, as it was raining that night!

So they came to your house to tell your dad that they couldn't find your piss?

T: They just wanted to get me into trouble because I was 17 and there was nothing they could do. S: What about the other time you got arrested? T: The time I was a drug baron and I was trafficking cocaine? Actually, I'm not even going to tell you about the other time.

How do your management feel about you bringing lads back to the flat?

T: We just act innocent and tell people that we don't like boys. C: Yeah, we're all lesbians.

Which of you three makes the most noise, generally?

S: These two are in competition. After a few drinks, Tanya really gives Charlotte a run for her money. They get louder and louder with every drink. C: It's when I get excited that I get really, really loud. But what a boring world it'd be if everyone was quiet all the time.

Do you think it's fair to say that you swear and drink more than most pop groups?

C: Yeah, we're all sweetness and light on the outside, but we're rotten on the inside. T: We're waiting for you to ask us all the dirty questions, like, 'What position do you prefer?'

Erm...OK. What position do you prefer? We're talking about sex, right?

C: Yes. I like anything new and exciting. If you can do it upside down and standing on your head, then you're the man for me.

We're still talking about sex, right?