Apparently, when you see a little white feather in the street, that’s a sign that guardian angels are looking down on you. I find about 100 angels a day

Bloody hell, hasn’t Brooke Kinsella grown? Not that she was underage when we first salivated over her in EastEnders or anything. No, it's just that as Zoe Slater's friend Kelly, she was a waiflike, bottle-blonde prostitute; whereas now Brooke is brunette, stirringly curvaceous, and unlikely to accept cash for sex. We were suddenly compelled to take her into the woods, strip her naked and quote the Bible at her.

How well do you know your Bible?

Well, I went to a convent school and I got an A* in RE, so I'd better do well, otherwise the nuns will come and get me.

Do nuns seek revenge?

Nuns are very scary, trust me.

You were made out of Adam's rib. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:23-24) Are you one flesh at the moment?

No, I'm not. I'm single for the first time since I ting, trying to find the 'one flesh person'.

Are you experiencing many different fleshes?

I'm not that kind of girl. I have really tried to go out and be very sexual, but then I get quite scared. It gets to the end of the night and I end up running away.

Eve ate the apple and caused the downfall of man. Do you feel guilty?

No, I don't believe it. Eve just wanted to learn a bit more about the world - there's nothing wrong with that. Adam just followed along like a sheep, got in trouble and then he tried to blame the woman. That's more like what actually happened.

As punishment, God made us mortal. Do you fear death?

Only because I can't bear the thought of what you're going to be missing out on. And I love my family and friends too much. I do believe in God. I also believe there is a Heaven and I could be looking down on them, but if I go to Hell and I'm not allowed to watch my family, then I'd miss them. So that's scary.

Wait, so you actually do believe in God then?

I do, yeah. Well, when I want something at least! No, I do try to say my prayers, and I don't just pray for me. I'm a big believer in destiny and God. And angels!

Angels?

Yeah, apparently when you see a little white feather in the street, that's a sign that guardian angels are looking down on you. Everywhere I go now, I see little white feathers.

Do you live near a pond with swans?

No, honestly! I find feathers everywhere, and I believe that they're little angels. I find about 100 angels a day.

Well, you've got too many then. We could do with a few.

You can't share angels! I obviously just need a lot of looking after.

So do you feel their influence?

I do have my psychic moments, my deja vu moments, but that's probably not angels - that's probably just me remembering stuff from when I was drunk!

Do you go to church?

Only at Christmas. I'm rubbish; my convent people will kill me.

Goddamn them. Oh, sorry, we just blasphemed. So what do you think God and your angels would think of the Maxim shoot?

You know, I don't think they'll be very happy. But the shoot does have a kind of God theme, and through this I am spreading on knowledge of God. So maybe He will see it that way.

Showing that you're comfortable with your body, which he created, is surely a good thing.

Yeah, I mean God wanted Eve naked in the beginning anyway. And I was born naked - so I'm just going back to nature.

And the sexual desire you'll produce in readers is good, since He wanted us to procreate.

Yeah. I did a good thing there.

In fact, we've probably saved you. St Peter will be there at the pearly gates saying, 'You did a bit of drinking and whatever, but that Maxim shoot made up for it. Come on in!' When you're dead, you'll thank us for this.

Or I'll haunt you from Hell.

Oh. Describe your first sexual experience, as if it was a passage in the Bible: 'And, lo, Brooke did...'

OK. It would be quite sweet: 'And, lo, Brooke was with her first love, and it was paradise, like the Garden of Eden.'

So you did it in a garden?